January 2011
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
STUDY
NO. LIFE.
” —
I love the textures that the artist used to add dimension to the otherwise flat composition. Great posters!
-erin
Okay so.. as I sit back and take a moment to recall what I’ve really gone through, I realize I’ve been pushing myself a little bit too hard for the past few months. Well it’s completely reasonable because of my all-or-none nature. But in order to move forward with full forces again, I have to be able to see the big picture in the far far future or know the reason that justifies such a pursuit. At least I have to know there’s space for improvement or else I won’t bother to give it a try. Language barrier, for example. Someone said she thought I’ve grown up in the state when in fact I’ve only been here for 2 yrs reminds me that I, though constantly denying myself of this fact, am still somehow talented in language. I’ve always expected myself to be able to speak like a native speaker. However by self-criticizing over and over again, I turn myself into a pathetic individual who thought of herself having no future. Volleyball is yet another example. Yes I admit that I’d thought of giving up several times in the past. Working and emulating from behind is hard, but I’m glad that I have been hanging there long enough to see the reward coming on the way. In other words, I finally have a sense of what’s going on in a match and where I should be during a match. That makes me realize that the more I appreciate what I’ve been through, the more eager I am about moving forward because I see the potential in myself. I also don’t see how I can let these science courses tear me apart. I see avoiding hard work as unjustifiable, since I’m always the person who’s asking for a lot of things in life. Also, I’ve been for some time debating with myself over whether to have a career in health care or design. But having discussions with some close friends of mine, I realize it’s a danger to be in this constant state of indecisiveness, as if I’m switching between two projects. In the end, nothing is accomplished. It’s okay to fall apart. It happens. It’s what life is like but I need to pull myself back up again, and sooner the better. As for what conclusion I’ve finally come to, I say I’ll do whatever I can to get into NBIO major even to take a quarter off like one of my friends suggests. As for what comes afterwards, I say I don’t know. I give life options; I wanna let it surprise me a bit. One thing for sure is that I’ll be fully prepared by then no matter where I finally put my foot down.



